For others it is a way to ritually care for the Dominant’s leather goods – especially boots. It holds its tradition in the leather community as an honorable service to a Dominant who is or has earned their leathers. One of the specialized talents that some submissives and slaves pick up is boot blacking. What does “Checking In” During a Scene Mean?.Why BDSM and Sex are Not Always Connected.If you want a top view, head on over and read it. Mistress Matisse wrote a great article on Control Tower about the mix of BDSM Without Sex. So abstaining from orgasm might be a mute point even if genital contact isn’t allowed during play. Lastly, on the orgasm front… it is hard as a bottom to refrain from having an orgasm if you can orgasm without genital stimulation.
So for example, perhaps a genital flogging is okay but no hand to genital contact. Include if tools and toys are welcome in that area. That’s the only way to both be on the same page. And then tell the person during negotiation. I encourage you think about what you consider sexual activity or behaviors and decide, if you play casually, whether they should be a part of your play or not. That’s because what one person considers to be a sex act or sexual behavior is different than the person standing next to them. It’s really how the people playing define it.Ĭlear as mud? Yeah, it’s a grey area. Sometimes that even means that the genitals will remain covered during play. If you consider kissing as sexual, then that’s not allowed. That means if you consider any tools or hands touching your genitals as sexual play then it is off the table. Non-sexual play is negotiated or regulated play between partners that does not include areas of the body or styles of play that would be interpreted as sexual in nature. If you’ve ever been to a public play party it’s likely you won’t see a lot of sex – if any – depending on where you are. Some people can’t have BDSM without sex and that’s perfectly alright with them. If somebody said to you that they only wanted to have non-sexual play, how would you interpret this? Does it mean no intercourse but oral is ok? Does it mean neither partner has an orgasm? Does it mean the top can touch the bottom with implements but not with his/her hands? – My personal favorite right now (printable).Chat Transcript about BDSM Checklists on A Submissive’s Journey.Sex Communication Tactic Derived from S&M #1: Checklists.Filling Out a Fetish/Kink/BDSM Checklist – a Guide for New Submissives and Dominants.The BDSM Checklist that Will Really Help You If you have anything you’d like to add to this page, please drop me a comment and I’ll consider it! Thank you! So today I’m pulling together all the resources that I find informative and interesting about BDSM checklists into one single page. Interestingly enough it’s one of the more common requests on the novice forums I frequent – where can I find one that I can download, print, use? What’s the best one, how do I use one, etc. One of the things I encounter almost everywhere I go are BDSM checklists. Please contact so I can take legal action immediately.Īs you may already know I spend a lot of time surfing the internet and reading about a lot of topics that pertain to BDSM and submission on a daily basis. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. For Every SAM (Smart Ass Masochist) there is one ROS (Really Obnoxious Sadist) by Aconiteīrat and Smart-Ass Masochist Play on Kink Academy (must be a member)Ĭopyright 2008-2013 Submissive Guide.SAM and What to Expect by Goddess Bella Donna.Smart-ass masochist ( SAM) smart-ass subbie: submissive who exhibits bad behavior (such as sarcasm, talking back, or disobedience), either because her Dom enjoys it or to get attention. This post is part of an effort to provide a glossary for novice submissives of words commonly seen across this site and in the BDSM community.īrat: A “ bratty” submissive has a reputation for talking back, being disrespectful or mildly disobedient. On the surface, this is a negative quality in a submissive however, a certain amount of “brattiness” is enjoyed by some Dominants, and may in fact be a large component of a power exchange relationship.
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